In
Modern times, parents are finding it too difficult to get suitable matches,
more so, brides ! – sadly, in recent times, we hear more broken marriages – the narrative is – ‘women have
become too independent, economically well-off and incompatibility issues arise
very early’ !! Ever wondered how long is
safe – ie., after how many years can
one assume that wedlock is strong, even when partners may
not have good understanding and are quarrelsome!
The Connemara
Public Library at Egmore in Chennai, is one of the four National Depository
Libraries which receive a copy of all books, newspapers and periodicals
published in India. Established in 1896, the library is a repository of
century-old publications, wherein lie some of the most respected works and
collections in the history of the country. It is located in the Government Museum Complex
on Pantheon Road, Egmore, which also houses the Government Museum and the
National Art Gallery. The library's
beginnings go back to 1860, when Captain Jesse Mitchell set up a small library
as part of the Madras Museum.
Wonder the connection to a post on divorce ?
நிலத்தினும் பெரிதே; வானினும் உயர்ந்தன்று;
நீரினும் ஆர் அளவின்றே- சாரல்
கருங் கோல் குறிஞ்சிப்பூக் கொண்டு,
பெருந்தேன் இழைக்கும் நாடனொடு நட்பே.
இது குறுந்தொகையில் இருந்து ஒரு பாடல். எட்டுத்தொகையில்
உள்ள நூல்களுள் ஒன்று குறுந்தொகை. தலைவனின்
அன்பின் ஆழத்தையும் தலைவியின் நம்பிக்கையையும் எடுத்துரைக்கிறது இப்பாடல்.
இதன் அர்த்தம் " மலைச்சாரலில் வளரக் கூடிய, கரிய கிளைகளையுடைய
குறிஞ்சி மரத்தின் பூவிலிருந்து பெருமளவு தேன் உருவாகும் நாட்டைச் சேர்ந்தவனாகிய தலைவனிடம்
நான் கொண்ட நட்பானது, இந்தப் புவியைக் காட்டிலும் பெரியது; வானை விடவும் உயர்ந்தது;
கடலின் ஆழத்தை விடவும் அளத்தற்கரிய ஆழம் உடையது."
Indian
marriages are grand affairs ~ in Tamil
Nadu, it used to be for 3 days or even a week’s affair – all relatives assembling on
the grand occasion and being happy ! The Indian society of yore was different –
now even close cousins find little time
and drop in during reception and vanish !!
Till
recent years, in India, divorce was not so common and was a stigma – especially
divorcee women found it bullying and harassed. Now much is being written about divorce being
on the rise in India, sometimes accompanied by hand-wringing about the egos and
inflexibility of younger couples, who seem less willing than their parents to
stay in marriages they are not happy with. In Western World, it is perceived
that more separations occur for much less pressing reasons ! Ongoing unpleasant
interactions, disappointment, or emotional distance and the like are what lead most couples to believe their marriage
is over.
Alimony should be viewed
as financial aid for the needy, reserved for the powerless !! Alimony (noun) [English meaning from thefreedictionary.com]
1. Law : An allowance for support made under court
order to a divorced person by the former spouse, usually the chiefprovider
during the marriage. Alimony may also be granted without a divorce, as between
legally separated persons.
2. A means of
livelihood; maintenance.
Alimony [also called maintenance; spousal support] is
a legal obligation on a person to provide financial support to his or her
spouse before or after marital separation or divorce. The obligation arises
from the divorce law or family law of each country. Traditionally, alimony was
paid by a husband to his former wife, but since the 1970s there have been moves
in many Western countries towards gender equality with a corresponding
recognition that a former husband may also be entitled to alimony from his
former wife !!!
Now
keeping aside all our perceptions about compatibility, people separating early
et al. – read this news about a couple
in Haryana separating legally after 44 long years of wedlock !!
A couple from
Haryana's Karnal district has brought their 44-year-long marriage to a close
and resolved an 18-year legal battle in the twilight of life - with the
husband, just shy of 70, agreeing to pay Rs 3.07 crore in permanent alimony to
his 73-year-old estranged wife.
The man reportedly sold
prime agricultural land to pay the price of finality and to honour the
settlement, parting with assets he had worked to build over decades. The
bittersweet chapter in their lives, which serves as a reminder of the fragility
of human relationships, ended through a mediated settlement at Punjab and
Haryana high court.
The couple married
on Aug 27, 1980. Together, they raised three children - two daughters and a
son. But as the years passed, differences began to surface, eroding the
foundation of their relationship. By May 8, 2006, their lives had diverged and
they began living apart. The husband filed for divorce, citing mental cruelty,
but the Karnal family court rejected his petition in 2013. Unwilling to give
up, he approached the high court, where his plea languished for 11 years before
the court referred the case to its mediation and conciliation centre in Nov
this year, offering a final opportunity for compromise.
It was during this
mediation process that a resolution was reached. The estranged couple, along
with their grown-up children, agreed to dissolve the marriage. The husband
committed to a remarkable alimony of Rs 3.07 crore.
This sum was to be
paid in a mix of demand drafts, cash, and gold and silver ornaments, reflecting
the wealth accumulated over a lifetime. The land generated Rs 2.16 crore, while
an additional Rs 50 lakh was paid in cash, earnings from his crops, including
sugarcane. Gold and silver ornaments worth Rs 40 lakh were handed over to his
former wife. The settlement marked a turning point. The agreement, signed on
Nov 22, stipulated that the payment would serve as permanent alimony, closing
all claims the wife or children might have had on the husband's properties.
"Even after
the death of the first party, the second and third party (wife and children)
will not lay any claim over the estate," the agreement states, ensuring a
clean slate for all involved. In its detailed order, the division bench of
Justice Sudhir Singh and Justice Jasjit Singh Bedi formally dissolved the
marriage, acknowledging the poignancy of the settlement.
After
reading this eerie settlement, if you still remember the Madras library - Robert
Bourke, 1st Baron Connemara, [Lord Connemara as he was known] a British Conservative politician was
Governor of Madras between 1886 and 1890. The
library is named after him. Lord
Connemara was twice married. He married firstly Lady Susan Georgiana, daughter
of The 1st Marquess of Dalhousie, a former Governor-General of India. Susan
filed for divorce on charges of cruelty and adultery. During the period, she stayed in Albany,
which was later purchased by by Eugene Phillip Oakshott, and was renamed Hotel
Connemara after its famous female guest. They divorced in 1890.
Regards
– S Sampathkumar
18.12.2024
Connemara library inside pic – credit fb page of library – by
Ulverscroft