divorce after 44 years of wedlock !! ~ Connemara library !!

 

In Modern times, parents are finding it too difficult to get suitable matches, more so, brides ! – sadly, in recent times, we hear more broken marriages – the narrative is – ‘women have become too independent, economically well-off and incompatibility issues arise very early’ !! Ever wondered how long is safe – ie., after how many years can one  assume that wedlock is strong,  even when partners may not have good understanding and are quarrelsome!

 

The Connemara Public Library at Egmore in Chennai, is one of the four National Depository Libraries which receive a copy of all books, newspapers and periodicals published in India. Established in 1896, the library is a repository of century-old publications, wherein lie some of the most respected works and collections in the history of the country.  It is located in the Government Museum Complex on Pantheon Road, Egmore, which also houses the Government Museum and the National Art Gallery.  The library's beginnings go back to 1860, when Captain Jesse Mitchell set up a small library as part of the Madras Museum.   

                        Wonder the connection to a post on divorce ? 

நிலத்தினும் பெரிதே; வானினும் உயர்ந்தன்று;

நீரினும் ஆர் அளவின்றே- சாரல்

கருங் கோல் குறிஞ்சிப்பூக் கொண்டு,

பெருந்தேன் இழைக்கும் நாடனொடு நட்பே.

 

இது குறுந்தொகையில் இருந்து ஒரு பாடல்.    எட்டுத்தொகையில் உள்ள நூல்களுள் ஒன்று குறுந்தொகை.   தலைவனின் அன்பின் ஆழத்தையும் தலைவியின் நம்பிக்கையையும் எடுத்துரைக்கிறது இப்பாடல்.  இதன் அர்த்தம்  " மலைச்சாரலில் வளரக் கூடிய, கரிய கிளைகளையுடைய குறிஞ்சி மரத்தின் பூவிலிருந்து பெருமளவு தேன் உருவாகும் நாட்டைச் சேர்ந்தவனாகிய தலைவனிடம் நான் கொண்ட நட்பானது, இந்தப் புவியைக் காட்டிலும் பெரியது; வானை விடவும் உயர்ந்தது; கடலின் ஆழத்தை விடவும் அளத்தற்கரிய ஆழம் உடையது."   

Indian marriages are grand affairs  ~ in Tamil Nadu, it used to be for 3 days  or even a week’s affair – all relatives assembling on the grand occasion and being happy ! The Indian society of yore was different –  now even close cousins find little time and drop in during reception and vanish !!  

Till recent years, in India, divorce was not so common and was a stigma – especially divorcee women found it bullying and harassed.  Now much is being written about divorce being on the rise in India, sometimes accompanied by hand-wringing about the egos and inflexibility of younger couples, who seem less willing than their parents to stay in marriages they are not happy with. In Western World, it is perceived that more separations occur for much less pressing reasons ! Ongoing unpleasant interactions, disappointment, or emotional distance and the like are  what lead most couples to believe their marriage is over.    

Alimony should be viewed as financial aid for the needy, reserved for the powerless !!  Alimony (noun)  [English meaning from thefreedictionary.com]

1. Law :  An allowance for support made under court order to a divorced person by the former spouse, usually the chiefprovider during the marriage. Alimony may also be granted without a divorce, as between legally separated persons.

2. A means of livelihood; maintenance.   

Alimony  [also called maintenance; spousal support] is a legal obligation on a person to provide financial support to his or her spouse before or after marital separation or divorce. The obligation arises from the divorce law or family law of each country. Traditionally, alimony was paid by a husband to his former wife, but since the 1970s there have been moves in many Western countries towards gender equality with a corresponding recognition that a former husband may also be entitled to alimony from his former wife !!!  

Now keeping aside all our perceptions about compatibility, people separating early et al.  – read this news about a couple in Haryana separating legally after 44 long years of wedlock !!   

A couple from Haryana's Karnal district has brought their 44-year-long marriage to a close and resolved an 18-year legal battle in the twilight of life - with the husband, just shy of 70, agreeing to pay Rs 3.07 crore in permanent alimony to his 73-year-old estranged wife.  

The man reportedly sold prime agricultural land to pay the price of finality and to honour the settlement, parting with assets he had worked to build over decades. The bittersweet chapter in their lives, which serves as a reminder of the fragility of human relationships, ended through a mediated settlement at Punjab and Haryana high court.  

The couple married on Aug 27, 1980. Together, they raised three children - two daughters and a son. But as the years passed, differences began to surface, eroding the foundation of their relationship. By May 8, 2006, their lives had diverged and they began living apart. The husband filed for divorce, citing mental cruelty, but the Karnal family court rejected his petition in 2013. Unwilling to give up, he approached the high court, where his plea languished for 11 years before the court referred the case to its mediation and conciliation centre in Nov this year, offering a final opportunity for compromise.  

It was during this mediation process that a resolution was reached. The estranged couple, along with their grown-up children, agreed to dissolve the marriage. The husband committed to a remarkable alimony of Rs 3.07 crore.

This sum was to be paid in a mix of demand drafts, cash, and gold and silver ornaments, reflecting the wealth accumulated over a lifetime. The land generated Rs 2.16 crore, while an additional Rs 50 lakh was paid in cash, earnings from his crops, including sugarcane. Gold and silver ornaments worth Rs 40 lakh were handed over to his former wife. The settlement marked a turning point. The agreement, signed on Nov 22, stipulated that the payment would serve as permanent alimony, closing all claims the wife or children might have had on the husband's properties.  

"Even after the death of the first party, the second and third party (wife and children) will not lay any claim over the estate," the agreement states, ensuring a clean slate for all involved. In its detailed order, the division bench of Justice Sudhir Singh and Justice Jasjit Singh Bedi formally dissolved the marriage, acknowledging the poignancy of the settlement. 

 

After reading this eerie settlement, if you still remember the Madras library -  Robert Bourke, 1st Baron Connemara, [Lord Connemara as he was known]  a British Conservative politician was Governor of Madras between 1886 and 1890. The library is named after him.   Lord Connemara was twice married. He married firstly Lady Susan Georgiana, daughter of The 1st Marquess of Dalhousie, a former Governor-General of India. Susan filed for divorce on charges of cruelty and adultery.  During the period, she stayed in Albany, which was later purchased by by Eugene Phillip Oakshott, and was renamed Hotel Connemara after its famous female guest. They divorced in 1890.

 
Regards – S Sampathkumar
18.12.2024
Connemara library inside pic – credit fb page of library – by Ulverscroft